Cricket According to Brad
Photos by Brad Miller
Cricket is Bangladesh’s national sport, and a source of great pride. But no matter how many times it is explained to me, I can never remember the rules. So here is my own, personal, totally-not-made-up explanation of what is going on. Special thanks to the LCA for making their players available for photography.
The game begins with a contest to see who can balance on one foot the longest. The orange blur in the side of the picture is an alien UFO (aliens, of course, being renowned for their love of cricket).
Wearable front-and-side airbags are essential to the game. In the event of an impact these will deploy. The two players will then compare insurance information and the one with the lower premium scores two points.
Cricket balls are traditionally made from the polished knucklebones of the Snuffleupagus ™. Overhunting has brought this once proud beast to the brink of extinction.
The helmet is designed to blind the batter. Seeing the ball is a distraction. He must feel the force flowing through him – only then can he become a true Jedi.
The three wooden staves (or “whatchamacallits” as they are known) stand for the three constants of the universe: death, taxes, and that thing where some people sneeze when they walk outside on sunny days.
The most devoted players name their cricket bats. This one’s name is “Amstagh Byphkain”, which translates roughly as “flat wooden thing I use to hit stuff.” Its owner is not fond of poetry.
The most experienced catchers are known to emit a high-pitched squeaking noise thought to draw the ball towards them.
The game ends when the golden snitch is captured and its wings removed. In a display of victory, the winning team will inscribe their name on it with the ceremonial Sharpie marker.